Well first things first, getting over someone is not easy. It’s not easy to let go of someone you love no matter how long or short you were in the relationship. It’s the memories of the time you had spent with each other that makes it even more difficult to move on. It’s hard to let go of all the dreams, hopes and the future that you had planned together. It’s not impossible but just hard.
Life is not always a bed of roses and not every path is what you expect it to be. You are in a relationship wherein you always feel stressed, anxious, worried and depressed; you put your heart and soul to make it work, even at the expense of your dignity and emotions but its not enough and he breaks up with you. Maybe in some time you will realize that it was the right thing for you. You were depressed with him and now you are even more depressed without him. When a relationship ends, you not only miss the person but also have to mend a lot of broken pieces inside you. A relationship is not just about the person; it’s also about our emotions, egos, insecurities and fears. Many times it’s difficult to even understand the real reason for your sadness. You are missing him but apart from this there can be several other reasons for your pain
The actual reasons why it is so hard to move on from a breakup:
You miss the feelings
You miss the guy but most importantly you miss the way he made you feel. You miss the intimacy, the romance, the hugs and the feeling of being desired. You miss the way he treated you. He has become an important element of your life and it is difficult for you to let go of him. You find it difficult to manage the void that has been created by his absence. It’s impossible to pass through the days. It is definitely hard at first but once the initial few days pass, you will slowly return back to normal.
You may be missing the love and affection that you had and to fix this surround yourself with your friends and family, with people who care about you and love you the way you are. Focus on giving a new dimension to your life and start re-building it. It is time for you to take ownership of yourself.
You are unable to take rejection
Most of the times, we are unable to bear the burden of being rejected and the pain after a breakup is that of a wounded ego. Rejection can be difficult and can cause low self-esteem. You are now thinking that may be somehow you weren’t good enough for him. Sometimes two people aren’t good together and one may realize it earlier than the other.
Many times we cannot distinguish between true love and infatuation. Love is realistic and is in accepting the other person with all his flaws. It creates an environment wherein both the people thrive and bring out the best in each other. Infatuation on the other hand is creating an unrealistic image of the other person. You can’t find a single thing wrong with him. You have a void inside yourself, which he fills. He makes you feel good about of yourself and you feel obliged because of the interest he shows in you. You look for his approval in everything you do and it makes you feel good. You are so dependent on him that you are terrified of the thought of losing him. He can misbehave with you because you cant afford to lose him. You say sorry even if it was his fault. You are not being treated well, yet you stay because you cant imagine yourself without him. Once it ends you are even more shattered. You have given him such a high position in your heart and life that you endlessly wait for him to return. You can only love anyone else if you love yourself and till the time you realize this you will remain heartbroken.
You think you will never find anyone like him
We all know it’s difficult to get over love. However it’s the biggest myth that you will never experience love again in your life. You have convinced yourself that he was the most amazing man on the planet and no one compares to him. You look for similar qualities in other men, which is absurd because you broke off with the person with those qualities. You don’t need to find someone like him cause one day you will find a better person who treats you well and is more compatible with you.
Most of the times when you are infatuated with someone you often tend to let go of your self-respect (not ego). You accept behavior, which was otherwise unacceptable. You try to change yourself and be someone you are not. He doesn’t like your friends, you start ignoring them. You have put his needs above your own. The emotional trauma that you go through after such a relationship is equivalent to the extent by which you had let go of your self-respect. You feel a part of yourself missing. You are so used to being dominated and ill-treated that you think that getting him back is the only cure. It is not! You need to look at yourself in the mirror and ask why were you accepting such a poor treatment and what can you do to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
You made him your life
From being a part of your life, he had become your entire life. You gave up on everything and your entire life circled around him. You stopped seeing your friends, left your hobbies and let go of your passions for him. All you ever wanted to do was to spend every moment with him. You made him your ‘everything’ and when this ‘everything’ leaves, you are left with nothing.
You are shattered into pieces cause you had very little of your life left without him. He left you with a huge hole not because he left you but because you ignored a lot of important elements of your life to pursue him.
Being single is difficult but it can’t be more difficult than being stuck in an unhealthy relationship. A breakup can feel like the end of life. It’s the death of all your dreams and the feelings and its difficult to let go of. You have a hard time accepting the fact that he is no longer there. Maybe what you had shared was good but it wasn’t great enough to stand the test of time. Don’t think of this as the end but the beginning of a new journey of falling in love with ‘yourself’!